Professionals And we use that term loosely Chad "Mr. Conspiracy" Williams Chad in his first trip was known for his piss and vinegar style of aggressive golf play. Since having gotten married and restricted from leaving the house - his golf game is more of the former than the later. Ranked as "not a contender", he hopes this trip will turn his play around. Not a chance. Brad "Flapjack" Frere Brad is a golf trip veteran, having toured in the '97 classic, '99 southern swing, and '02 ass slapping contest. Can his experience and a new driver bring him this years title? Highly unlikely. Scott "The Hammer" Gordon After the smelly defeat of '02 Scott has spent a lot of time learning how to control his emotions on the golf course. Fortunatley for all involved, he's failed miserably in these pursuits. Echoing through the moutains is a flurry of expletives, you know Scott is on the course, probably in the woods looking for his ball. Curtis "Tantrum" Russell The long ball is key to Curtis's game and we are all wondering "is his ball long enough?" and "should he see a doctor about that?". Naaaaaa, living on the edge is Curtis's main stay. And that edge is typically the edge of the woods, edge of the water, edge of a sandtrap etc. Brian "Doctor Doom" Russell The big question surrounding Brian's game this year is can he bounce back from an injury riddled off season and bring his game back up to the pre-injury level? Probably not. "Fatty" Andy Rivet No longer morbidly obsese - Andy won't have the weight to swing around like he ususally does. He's requested to hit from the ladies tees, this may give him an advantage but...we doubt it. Mike "Slammin" Kaine This being Mike's first time on the golf trip - he will be left for dead, wearing just his underwear, at a gas station around Fairmont. If he does make it to the course - his style of play is synonymous with "all flash, no substance". Watch for high scores here. Jason "I like old men" Decker Some say the word "hero" is used to often. I agree, Joe isn't a hero. He's from Fort McMurray. So what is Joe really? He's not a 'golfer'. Of all the police reports describing Joe, 'golfer' was never mentioned once. Sure, there was lots of D&Ds and BOPs causing GBH but arresting officers always failed to mention 'golfer' in any of these reports. We'll see if Joe can turn it around, prove us and the police wrong. Just once, let's see him get arrested and have 'golfer' be a descriptor of his person, not just who he was assaulting. Doug "5 Foot Gimme" Lavers Doug's golf score, like his IQ, is low. Doug...cheats. Look to see some miracle scores from this fellow even though you swear to god the Pink Lady Precept he finished the hole with wasn't the ball he started the hole with. Jeff "Zee" Pederson "That movie Napolean Dynamite, they filmed that by my hometown" replied Jeff when asked about joining the golf trip. A native of Idaho (he's 1/16th Sioux) Jeff will be joining the tour midway through. With his driving and putting skills he should be a great subsidizer for the skins pot. Brent "Let me check with my Ex-Wives" Morley Brent has a delusion that he is such a good golfer he must be possessed by the spirit of Tiger Woods, that Tiger woods is actually inside him and part of his functioning physical body. With all due respect, just because Brent slept with him once doesn't necessarily preclude possession and the body has a self cleansing ability to wash out any fluids left "behind". Look for Greg Norman scores here at best (who he has also reported been "in touch with"). Darcy "The Fuzz" Williams ... Sheldon "The Mac" Mackarenko Hailing from parts unknown, Sheldon comes to us in a shroud of mystery. What is his handicap, can he hit the long ball, will his shit stink up the bathroom? The golf courses and sanitary systems of the greater Columbia Valley await the verdict. Steve "Is that Drywall Dust Under your Nose?" Korniat Everyone who has ever had the pleasure of golfing with Steve always says one thing, "never again". Drink cart girls beware, this newly single swinging stud will be all over you. In fact...I think everyone better sleep with one eye open as things are getting a little desparate. Steve sells drywall and drywall accessories. The excitment he'll bring to this group of computer programmers and jouneymen...well...why did we invite Steve? Dax A Million Dax's game has come a long since his early years on the trip. He was initially known for his 15 on hole 15, he's brought that down to around 10 now. Keep reaching for the stars Dax. Brook "The Pro" Macmahon Hailing from jolly ole New Zealand, Brook only upgraded to metal clubs in 2011 when he moved to Canada. Like Jermaine Clement's character from Flight of the Conchords, he can often be heard saying: "It doesn't matter what country someone's from, or what they look like, or the colour of their skin. It doesn't matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently-some would say, more correctly. I'm a person. You're a person. That person over there is a person. And each person deserves to be treated like a person." Jon "Happy" Letkeman Jon could probably make a very good living hustling at driving ranges. He'd be something at one of those long-drive contests. He's actually a hockey player but he's playing golf today. Look forward to his great sense of humor on and off the course even if he is a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard. A belligerent old fart. A worthless, steaming pile of cow dung. Figuratively speaking. Brent "I'm so cool" Lauinger Brent's golf game, much like his life is a lot of show for very little return...but he's a goalie so he's used to this. He also sucks at ping pong, just saying. Jeremy "Mac" Paziuk Free Willy The First Noel Jason Texas Walker Ranger His name says it all. On the course he's super good at walking. Walking to the tee box, walking to the woods, walking through sandtraps, sometimes even walking on the fairway. "One foot in front of the other" Jason always says. He heralds from a long line of walkers. This year he's going to throw a bit of golf in there too, but he'll mainly be concentrating on the walking, what he's good at. Matt "Shavy" Shavluk Luck is in his name, but not in his game. Skill is his key to shooting low, with boring drives down the middle and pin point accuracy on approach shots, making tap ins a breeze. But he's a gambler, so after a few vodka he can be swayed into cutting dog legs and going for it in two. My bet is he'll be hitting high 90's like the rest of us! Casey "Kasem" Homeniuk Hello again, and welcome to the Canadian Golfer's Top 40, my name is Casey "Kasem", and I'm all set to countdown the Canadian Golfer's top 40 on this golf trip. Lets just say you won't find any "top" anything here, they all suck. Seriously... DAVE! WHO WANTS TO KNOW THAT WE GOT HOME SAFE? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE! A-A-Ron A-A-Ron is always a man in transition. You never know if he's coming or going, his life is always in flux BUT, the one constant is golf. Lets hope this is the year he learns how to play it. Jason Jason